The Tip of the Iceberg?

Every time I have a bad cough that does not seem to go away after few days worries me. Since 2001, a bad cough is not a bad cough. Its a harbinger of possible relapse.

Historical precedence has shown such a relationship... i.e. bad cough could be psychosomatic ( a retired psychiatrist from the US with more than 25 years of practice has shared with me that he find no evidence to support the claims for psychosomatic responses... i.e. 1+1 is not equal to 2!)and is a sign that I have cracked and the inevitable is about to happen.

Historical precedence seem to govern much of our lives. We were 'taught' not to incite inter-ethnic differences as such actions will lead to riots. We were 'convinced' (really??!) that as citizens, we need to tighten our belt so that our future is secured... but today was yesterday's future and nothing seems to have launched into something wondrous!

Anyway, the folly of experience is the lack of wisdom to assess the validity of historical precedence. We tend to establish relationships among factors which appear obvious to us and conveniently 'forget' about other possibilities. Then, through the reinforcement of such relationships rather than a fresh assessment of events, we establish precedences... The same manner in which our body system evolves and we call this 'reflex'.

In my current predicament, is the bad cough the tip of the iceberg... the harbinger of possible relapse. What seems to be the root of the impending relapse if its to come? The last time I checked, it was a sense of betrayal.... Ok, why do I feel betrayed?.... Could not seem to find the root for the current build-up.

In dealing with A/PD (anxiety/panic disorder), it is always important to negotiate with the root issue. No medication or therapy can be meaningful without reaching into and bringing out for negotiation the root issue. I use 'negotiation' and stress upon it as an issue which have become one of the roots for A/PD are usually complex and cannot be resolved. It has to be negotiated.

Such issues are usually important and form the fundamental basis for a person's existence. (oops... wandering into the third person reference... begin to sound like someone I know...) Hence, it should not be removed but new meaning must be attached to such issues which can be described more as sentiments.... the emotional wiring...

I grew up facing several issues of loyalty at various levels and circumstances. My loyalty(s) have been questioned, tested, misinterpreted and misrepresented. And with loyalty is trust, confidence, sacrifice, service, compensation, recognition, perseverance, endeavour, compassion, passion, fervour, .... and the expected return- reciprocation. When this equation does not balance... it fires rage, anger, vengeance, anarchy... or in the Malay World- running amok... mengamuk...