Exciting things ahead!

More than two months have passed since I wrote my last entry. Many things have happened.


I am also surprised and flattered that I have an audience. I know that people could access my postings and that I did not intend to keep it private in the first place.


I am glad that some of you have found my postings useful and others have used them as reference for school assignments.


I had my first panic attack in the day, in public and in the presence of my children several weeks ago. It was strange, yet exciting. It was a embarrassing, yet a spectacle. I was near to being unconscious, yet very aware of minute details.


Exciting things ahead!


In my last appointment with a psychiatrist more than a year ago, I was advised against getting too excited about things. I have to be conscious of my anxiety levels and maintain below the threshold. This is where I realised that my current condition has made it a must for me to remain calm in every situation. It is no longer a choice to be calm. I have to be calm in calamity or I risk a possible panic attack.


I have found new partners to realise my dreams. Wonderful and exciting things happen when you meet another person who have been equally passionate and focussed on the same dream. In the spirit of the colourful things that will come, I had toyed with a colour-inspired series of short verses:


AMBER
The sea of amber flushed over me.
Blinded by the fury of ambivalence,
I thread the chest high torrents of pain.
Picqued by the call for obedience,
I ready my arms of obstinance.
Standing amongst the ranks of posterity,
I rally the charge of the enlightened.

BLUE
The stroke of blue coats my hide
An alternate shimmer of gleam and light
Through shattered lenses I see the world
A swirling paste of grime and pride

GREEN
The green creeps across my dawn,
Not of envy but hope forlorn.
A raging tide, a tragic site.
A renegade blight, a deafening sight.
A world forsaken, a future mistaken.