Getting into shape

I felt the urge to get back in shape.

Just when I was looking out for a solution, I became acquainted with someone who could provide the solution I need.

Now, it's time to put on my cross-trainers, hit the gym, the pool and manage my intake of carbs, proteins, sugar, etc....

now at 33% fat and 99kg...

Putting on bigger shoes

At a time when I am supposed to be making sense of my shoes, one of them may get bigger.

It's something that I have been prepared for and enthusiastic about putting them on.

It's something that will allow me to realise some of my aspirations for the community.

Should I put it on?

Tired of the Battles... Can I still win the war?

At this point, I'm tired of fighting.

One technique I used to overcome my anxieties, has been to suppress and numb my emotions. No emotions, no sadness, no frustration, no anxieties.

It makes me feel like a robot- something short of becoming less human.

One thing I learned from all my experiences is to be human. Often I heard of advises which tells me to do what is humanly possible. What is that?

We have gone to the moon, climbed the highest mountains, thought of great inventions... so, what is humanly possible.

Is it humanly possible to ever get out of this vicious cycle of relapse after relapse? No matter how much I've pushed the frequency of relapse, the reality is that, it will always be there.

It creeps and haunts,
it snickers and taunts.
In day and night,
In dark and light.

I thought of going away, and some say that it's not possible. Not humanly possible or not possible per se? Isn't it better to go away to some place and be able to return than to go to another place where it will be impossible to return.

As with the shoes, it may be best to send the shoes somewhere where you'll know that you'll get it back, than to throw it in the bin where you know it will end up in some incinerator somewhere.

K.P.I.s and KPIs

Last Fathers' Day, I received an SMS from my daughter, "Hi! Y so late? It's ur day n u spend ur day at work. Heh!"

I could sense her frustration and it got me thinking, especially in the following week when I conducted a Mid Year Review to assess our achievements in terms of K.P.I.s (Key Performance Indicators).

I realised that while we are often pre-occupied with our K.P.I.s we tend to forget our other KPI - Kinship-Priority-Index. How much have we placed emphasise on our kinship, especially our immediate family - my wife and three daughters?

Should all of us begin to have K-P-Is. Perhaps, when we move towards a model that emphasise work-life balance, we should include K-P-Is as part of our workplan. Staff should then be assessed on some basis of how they have balanced their life.

Economically, it would have some bearing as a good work-life balance should make employees healthier - mental, physical and emotional. Given that we are constantly conscious of providing holistic education that involves the cognitive, affective and behavorial domains, shouldn't we also emphasise health in such domains.

Not forgetting about shoes... shouldn't we think about the feet that wears them?

Which shoes should I discard?

I laid out my shoes today, evaluating its usefulness.

Are the soles strong enough for this one? How about the laces for that one? Is the other one too stiff? How about the insoles for the one in the corner? That last shoe looked old and worn, but it can still be good for another stretch.

So, which shoes should I discard? They all looked important to me.

Hmmm. Perhaps, that's the problem... the shoes are important to me. Am I important for those shoes? If I don't wear them anymore, how will it affect others who have been saying that they need me to wear those shoes... Hmmm... Should I be thinking about it? Or should I just throw all of them away.

Keep only those shoes that makes sense to me for the moment. Well, if only it's that simple... too many sentiments are attached to most of them.

S.H.O.E.S.

S. H. O. E. S.

Small Heaps Of Exotic Spices.

See How Others Engage Stress.

Some Hope On Endearing Souls.

Should Heaven Offer Entries Sparingly?

Sharing Happiness Overcomes Excessive Sadness

Taking Stock of My Shoes

It's been two years since I had my last relapse. Two very good years that saw me completing my thesis, starting a new career, and after a long time, a full-time job.

Life has been good and it could not have been better. I guess the soles of my shoes are more stable now. It should have been able to take the impacts of each step, giving me adequate rebounds to energise myself. However, the 'old' creature that used to haunt me started making appearances.

I tried to reflect on it and thought that it was a case of discarding a well-loved and meaningful shoe. A shoe that has not only served the community well but also won accolades - three at the institutional, national and international level.

Then, when it crept it stealthily in the past few weeks, I thought that it was another shoe that I chose not to wear. It was a gift from my mom and she had expected me to wear them. It seems as though she had prepared me all this while to put on that shoe. It would have been a life-changing and transformational experience if I had put on the shoe. I'm still thinking of it, though.

It always helps when we try to explain to others our complex situation. Panic disorder. What is that? Are you stressed? Are you facing difficulties? It's a disorder. It should not be reacting in an orderly way. In an orderly way, we should react when there is stress, threat, etc. It's a DISORDER - meaning that there should not be a reason for it.

It's due... and I have to face it again. How long will I have to face it? I've pushed it from a few months to two years now. Should I give up the fight now?

"I will overcome adversity with courage, fortitude and determination". With that, I will now tighten my boots and prepare for battle. While I've won several battles, I've yet to win the war.