Usually, I'll be very busy preparing for the coming festivity. Cleaning the house, decorating, putting up clean curtains, sprucing up the rooms, etc...
But not this time round. My neck is not only stiff, but the muscles at the back of my neck will contract and spasm whenever I have a sudden movement. it's as though my head will be popping out soon!
The contraction of muscles seem to be very and scarily familiar. It's the same kind of painful contractions that I've felt with my lower back and thigh muscles and the gut area some time back.
These contractions, I learnt, are psychosomatic... it is a physical manifestation of my panic attacks. I seem to have been able to deal with panic attacks, but when it comes to psychosomatic forms, it's hard to deal with. On top of anxiety and panic, there's PAIN!!!...
psy·cho·so·mat·ic
Pronunciation:
"sI-kO-sO-'mat-ik"
Function: adjective
1 : of, relating to, concerned with, or involving both mind and body
2 a : of, relating to, involving, or concerned with bodily symptoms caused by mental or emotional disturbance
2b : exhibiting psychosomatic symptoms —psy·cho·so·mat·i·cal·ly
/-i-k(&-)lE/ adverb
What it means is that it's all in the head! I wonder how it can be just in the head, when I'm feeling so much pain and have difficulty moving my head around!!
I wonder how I will be able to attend congregational prayers in the coming morning...
I'm feeling slight discomfort thinking about meeting too many people! At some extreme, its either social phobia or agoraphobia. I've had both...
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