Tired of the Battles... Can I still win the war?

At this point, I'm tired of fighting.

One technique I used to overcome my anxieties, has been to suppress and numb my emotions. No emotions, no sadness, no frustration, no anxieties.

It makes me feel like a robot- something short of becoming less human.

One thing I learned from all my experiences is to be human. Often I heard of advises which tells me to do what is humanly possible. What is that?

We have gone to the moon, climbed the highest mountains, thought of great inventions... so, what is humanly possible.

Is it humanly possible to ever get out of this vicious cycle of relapse after relapse? No matter how much I've pushed the frequency of relapse, the reality is that, it will always be there.

It creeps and haunts,
it snickers and taunts.
In day and night,
In dark and light.

I thought of going away, and some say that it's not possible. Not humanly possible or not possible per se? Isn't it better to go away to some place and be able to return than to go to another place where it will be impossible to return.

As with the shoes, it may be best to send the shoes somewhere where you'll know that you'll get it back, than to throw it in the bin where you know it will end up in some incinerator somewhere.