The Monster In Me

When we were young, we hear stories about monsters.

Some say, monsters are the manifestation of our fears, our insecurities.

Others think that monsters have been created to instill fear so that social norms will be adhered to.

The fact is, there is a monster in each and everyone of us. I close my eyes and I could see that monster. Not what it looks like, but what it is. I fear this monster that I have in me and at times, I could not gather the necessary strength to suppress the emergence of that monster.

I have hurt the people I love. People who has given me love and all I could give in return is pain.

I have hurt them with words for which at times I do not know the reasons for saying.

I have hurt them with disappointments. I have made them disappointed as they had hope that I could once again be who I was, that I can be better. Such hope have often been shattered as it became apparent that I could not fulfill the things that I had committed to.

I have become a liability and a burden to those who have depended on me. How long do I have before I lose all strength to become the monster that I am?