A New Balance

When it comes to shoes, my choices are very limited.

The problems I faced with my frequent ankle sprains and sore feet since 1997 may have changed the physiology of my feet and ankles.

Since 1997, my shoes have to be comfortable.

My life took a turn in 2001, and I have yet to fit into any of my "shoes" comfortably. I have experimented with different roles, identity and aspirations. So far, none seems more comforting than those "shoes" that I would wear to accompany someone else on their journey.

I had a recurrent dream when I was about 5. In this dream, I was wearing slippers which would make a particular noise with each step I took. All I could recall was picking up sticks as I moved towards a huge door that was fiery red. The door must have been huge as it could be seen from very far away.

Aside from the path I had to tread on while picking up sticks, and the door, there was nothing else but darkness and emptiness.

The only other thing I noticed was another person that seems to be competing with me in this 'race' that I have no knowledge of. As I increased my pace, this other person would do the same. When I slowed down, this person would overtake me.

In this dream, I would try as best as I could to keep ahead of this other person.

After a long journey and tirelessly picking up sticks, I reached the door that was at the end of the path. The door was enormous and it was difficult to gauge its actual height. On this fiery red door, the face of something was carved. Leading up to the door were a stairway that led first to a cauldron before we reach the foot of the door.

As I look up when the door was opening, I could see light from the other side. As I stood in awe of the sight, I turned to see the other person that was competing with me. In that instance, I saw 'me' and we were both equally shocked... it was at this moment that I would wake up screaming or with a fright...

At times, the only other competitor in our 'race' is our other 'self'. Have a new balance in life, so that we would not unnecessarily compete with our own 'selves'... we should collaborate instead.